A Certain Honesty

"This isn't a journey about becoming something. This is about unbecoming who we are not, about undeceiving ourselves. In the end, it's ironic. We don't end up anywhere other than where we have always been, except that we perceive where we have always been completely differently. We realize that the heaven everyone is seeking is where we have always been. Once again, what is required is a certain sense of honesty."
~ Adyashanti ~
.

I recently encountered one of the ways I have been deceiving myself, silly rabbit. I discovered that the walls I built around many of my gifts as a means of preventing criticism or judgment from reaching me had also prevented me from being present to the loving support that was also always available. Amen

Jigsaw Puzzling

I’ve discovered a metaphor that helps me bring the concept of Oneness with All Life to a manageable size:

I am a giant jig saw puzzle while I am also a single piece of the jigsaw puzzle.


The energetic framework that we’ve lived within for thousands of years, a patriarchal framework has been dismantled and is no longer functional. While many of us are not consciously aware of this energetic shift, we sense through our bodies that the playing field has drastically changed. Men and women alike sense the shift. While women are feeling the shift as a call to new understandings about their feminine selves, men are being called into their hearts that they might support women as they shift back into the energetic driver seat that is our birthright. Women are being not only called, but commanded by Life to stand in their power as women.

Humanity has been preparing for this shift in the ages for centuries. Now that it is upon us we discover that we aren't clear about how to navigate within this new energetic soup that we’ve conjured up. The vessels that we “drive” no longer respond to the old maps that we’ve navigated by, the pathways we formally traversed have morphed into something other. The old picture that came on the outside of the puzzle box showing us what the puzzle could look like no longer applies. There is no box much less a picture. We are explorers in the finest Star Trek tradition of our inner worlds instead of the outer world.

How each of us expresses this shift is unique, we are totally individual puzzle pieces. Unless your puzzle piece is called seer or mystic most of us individual puzzle pieces have no clue what the “big picture” is. The puzzle pieces need to be gathered together before we can catch even an inkling of what the big puzzle looks like. To bring the metaphor into living terms I find that when I’m in a circle with other women, each there to share their unique puzzle piece I get a feeling for and knowings about the “big picture. I find when I listen to others describe their puzzle piece position my piece of the puzzle is fleshed out. The aha moments that come as I listen complete me and I feel like I’m finally home in a world of experiential Oneness, a giant loving jigsaw puzzle.

A Pile of You

I haven't posted anything here yet this year...and I feel this piece by Jennifer Louden articulates exquistely what's up for most of us.




A Pile of You
by Jennifer Louden


It is time.

You are ready. This time, you mean it. For real.

You are ready. You are shedding, dismantling, unbuckling, discarding: identities, accolades, glories, web stats, even your most treasured bio.

Impressive, glittery, sacred: past.

Scars, wounds, failures, shames, dents: they must go, too.


You unbuckle the past slowly, swearing to yourself, softly, repeatedly, “I am ready, I can do this” even as bits of you cling to your fingers.

Disrobe, unwind, unburden.

A pile of you forms on the shore of your future.

The water of the unknown laps at your feet, caresses your toes. So clean, so promising. You are almost naked, almost emptied, almost ready.

Then a thought: wouldn’t it be a good idea to hold on to just one wafer thin bit of you?

After all, like the Egyptian Pharaohs, you will need things on the other side. Maybe not 10,000 nubile slaves or a clay jar with your preserved heart in it but it shouldn’t hurt to take just one, or maybe five, of your degrees with you? Certainly the Oprah appearance would be useful. And being the youngest person in your organization to ever run a division, don’t leave that. And your divorce and bad investments and the semi-abusive relationship - you aren’t really ready to let go of those.

It would be silly to leave all of you. You might get cold. You take back more slivers of your identity from the pile. You worked so hard for them. Especially the stories that gouge and pinch and humiliate.

You put a few bits of you back on. Now you’re ready to dive in, the water looks so fine.

What’s this? You can’t swim. You can’t even float. You are sinking.

Your toes touch the soft, silted bottom. You panic, claw at the water but no matter. You don’t move, can’t move: sunk.

You know what you have to do. If you are honest, it is only because you will drown that you do so, but to your credit, you do it (many would rather drown). You cast away all of who you have been, these last most special and hurtful flecks, remembering, at the last moment to say thank you.

Thank you for it all.”

You find — you have no idea how — you can breathe underwater now. (Maybe it was the thank you?) You can’t see very far in front of you, only a few feet, so you move slowly, as if in a dream. Come to think of it, maybe this is a dream and, any moment, you will wake up. You will be who you are, or were, or always thought you should be. You fantasize about how good that will feel, the known!, and then, shit!

You are smack, stuck, back on the bottom, in the gloom. Unable to move, although thankfully, still, able to breathe.

You sigh and watch the bubbles streak upwards. It seems that holding on to anything here does not serve.

You concentrate on the feeling of the water passing over your skin, on the cerulean blue patch right in front of you, on the rise and fall of your chest.

You take a tentative breaststroke forward. And then another.

Ten Ways for Elementals to Work With Humans

1. Do not prejudge all humans as bad but examine each human to find the good in them.
2. Having found the spark of good, breathe your energy into it to enlarge it.
3. When a human pays attention to a plant, tree or stone, tell him or her what the plant or tree would like in order to be healthier. Even if humans don’t hear the message consciously, they will receive it subconsciously.
4. When you see a human who is trying to help nature, cluster around that human and give them all the help you can. Often humans don’t think to ask you directly, but our higher selves ask this.

5. Play with humans so that they can recover their childlike joy and wonder. Many humans are depressed and need the joy elementals bring.
6. Give humans proof of your existence. Humans are more inclined to believe in elementals if you do this.
7. Appreciate the human strengths of forgiveness, love, persistence, and focus. By associating with humans, elementals will learn these qualities.
8. To (human) body elementals: don’t give up. Keep moving your human hosts into situations to catalyze positive change.
9. Don’t judge humans by elemental standards. Presently humans eat beings that live, excrete waste and age. Through this path we learn to be creators of form and worlds.

10. Surprise us.

Ten Ways for Humans to Work with Elementals

I found these guidelines in a book by Tanis Helliwell called Summer with the Leprechauns. I couldn't resist copying them to share.



1. Believe in elementals. Human belief strengthens elementals and gives them energy.
2. Be happy and enthusiastic. Elementals are not attracted to depressed, sad humans.
3. Go to healthy places in nature as often as possible. Walk in forests, along the seashore, lie in a meadow, listen to birds, sit by a brook. Enter into the right vibration of the Earth and listen to what it wants. Humans will purify their vibrations if they do these things.
4. Appreciate the beauty in nature. When humans do this, elementals will be attracted to you.

5. Cooperate and create with nature by planting trees, growing flowers, feeding the birds.
6. Send energy to elementals, who look after trees, flowers, water and mountains, to keep them healthy. Do this with joy and gratitude.
7. Teach other humans to appreciate nature. Do it with love and joy, and these humans will begin to understand the Earth and her needs.
8. Do things spontaneously; free yourself from overplanning and organizing.
9. Take time everyday to do nothing. Create a space in both your house and head so magic can occur.


10. In order to contact an elemental who wants to work with you on an ongoing basis, sit in a quiet natural place, close your eyes and call this elemental to you. Notice what kind of elemental has come. Ask it what it’s gift is and its name. Listen to this elemental on an ongoing basis; act on its suggestions, and your relationship will become stronger.

Imagining Peace

For years, when given an opportunity for a wish over birthday candles or Beltane fires, I wished for peace on Earth. I admittedly didn’t start out wishing for peace because I believed in wishes. I wished for peace because I didn’t in the least believe in wishes. So if I was going to wish I had decided to wish for something else I didn’t believe in.

Considering that everyone of us starts out as a child believing in wishes coming true, and considering that we’re all eventually directed to give wishes and wishing up for reality, I could have continued throwing my wishes away on peace and not thought further about this. Instead, I began to reclaim the childhood wisdom that knows that real wishes do come true, though a real wish can be hard to sort from other kinds of wishes. When an opportunity to wish a wish showed up I wished for peace again. I didn’t believe in peace, though I couldn’t have admitted it at the time.

It was after joining a group of women calling themselves the Vessels of Peace that I began to examine my beliefs about peace. It was the name itself that had sounded inviting, sounded at that particularly difficult time in my life like a concept I could well afford to embrace. I began imagining that I was a Vessel of Peace. I discovered that peace is a hard sell, not many people interested, except maybe Christmas Day. I discovered that while I did believe in peace, I had difficulty imaging what that peace would look like. I found that it was easy to imagine disaster scenarios, but that I couldn’t imagine peaceful scenarios with nearly the same gusto. I wondered when I would be a Vessel of Peace.

This December 7, 2009 as winter solstice approaches I find myself able to sketch an answer to my search around imaging what peace looks like. I needed to bring myself to my imaginings of peace and then I find circles of people gathered in sacred space emote peace. I find when I channel the Mother, conveying Her messages, I feel peace. When I pray aloud I am at peace. I am at peace when I nurture. I am at peace when I listen to the news. I am peace in my sleep. I am at peace with the anger, at peace with grief. Peace enlightens my fear. Peace crept up on me, caught me unaware that I had fallen so thoroughly into Her arms that I am embodying Peace. Yes, I can be at peace with war!

When I open to peace it isn’t a boring, nondescript space. It is a daring vital energy with a rejuvenating quality that sings through this vessel at the speed of light. It is a well of hope from which youth can spring eternal. Peace is the softest flowing gossamer fabric, peace is durable and sturdy; it is eternal whether I am present to that peace or not.

Peace and love are interchangeable words. Peace and love aren’t far away nebulous places. Peace is and always has been available within. I invite you to join me to open your inbuilt circuits and lets plug into peace and glory in it's glow together.

Sounding Out the Love

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Module Two of the Kundalini Trance Dance facilitator training was a magnificent experience and I'd like to share some joy.

Let me start with the fact that this work is helping bring about what I consider to be an extraordinary transformation in my life. For now, the best way I have to put this statement into other descriptive words is to say that I have gone from knowing with my mind and heart the truth that I am/we are light beings, to being able to feel into that subtle light body to activate, cleanse and nourish it.

My journey home takes me through the Little River ferry terminal to catch a boat to Powell River. It is always the first place that I have time to catch my breath after leaving the Haven and my thoughts turn to the daily breathing exercises that are recommended we use to keep us vibrationally sweet. Like other trips home I knew that these would be opportune moments for the practice. It was blowing a gale outside so there was no going to the beach this time. I put Goddess Alchemy Project on low, closed my eyes and starting grounding down to connect.

As I opened and began breathing Shakti Ma up I could feel my perineum sipping the electro-magnetic energy, could feel the light thrilling up feet and legs to pool in my pelvis empowering the cleansing sounds of light being pulled through the four layers of my auric body. Again I found something special about doing this practice alone for the first time in a week. With the accompanying sounds of rain lashing and winds shaking the little vehicle, I took the deepest most aware dive into light body, like the last time, only more. I could feel every ray of light that encapsulates this physical body, could distinctly feel the subtle movement of light streaming through central pranic tube, ida and pingala pathways and through each chakra and tube torus. Combined with the sense of connection to Shakti below and Shiva above, it was breathtaking, an ecstatic state in seconds, much less time than it takes to read or write this. I hung out at heart in the light, feeling akin to a child at play in a summer rain, splashing light and sounding out the love.

For years I've sensed that humanity needed spiritual food. Now I know that we literally need to feed our spirit bodies with light. It feels exquisite and perfect this Divine plan that gave us physical bodies designed to "plug into" our energetic environment, like a plug into a power outlet. Perhaps a billboard campaign selling humanity to itself by describing how these wondrous vessels come factory equipped with a bank of batteries and complete circuitry to run not only Solar power but Earth energy through our systems as well.

I need to share about another joyous aspect of these Awakenings and training periods that also really came home this time. Through each of your eyes I experienced myself held, respected, accepted and undeniably unconditionally loved. The feeling of sisterhood and sense of belonging that was seeded and nurtured has grown into a full blown garden in which I refresh myself regularly. A lifetime, many lifetimes of yearning for I knew not what is now known. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. You have all held space for me to flower as the purring slobbering love muffin I really am and I thank you and love you from one end of my sweaty self to the other.

Sounding Out the Love Part 2

The wonder of this work really shows up when I’m in a sweat, whether literal or metaphor. Instead of falling back into old coping mechanisms when I am triggered by a circumstance or person I now have the tools to step out of the story and finally put an end to the behaviors that before kept me looping and stuck in the stories.

I received counsel during the interview with Leyolah and Luna Astraea at the end of this training that I knew immediately was a gift of Divine proportions. It was really simple as most truths tend to be. I was counseled that it was past time to mature away from the old need/loop to be liked. I laughed. I was delighted at how easy it was to hear this perfect and true counsel. We three laughed and agreed that this counsel applies to most of us some of the time.
First thing the morning after the interview an examination of the need to be liked was triggered and I had fodder to either process or loop in. Thanks to the fact that I was fresh and clear from the weeks work I knew immediately which childhood story had come up. Now instead of wallowing in the story what happened can be described as a surrendering to it. Instead of becoming the story I witnessed it. Rather than feeling put upon and out of sorts because I had been triggered I sensed joy at the journey of discovery that was opening up for me. I asked a question. “What’s with this need to be liked and where was it born?”

I witnessed that my choices in childhood around what I liked and disliked had been compromised at best, denied completely at worst. I witnessed my opinion not mattering and the resulting loss of trust in self. I witnessed taking up the spear of judgment and criticism that was used against me. It was when I witnessed myself hating that I felt I had uncovered the heart of the answer to the question. Intuitively I sensed that loving self or another completely and unconditionally isn’t possible when there is a hidden kernel of un-owned hatred anywhere in our being. A part of me was out of integrity with who I am as love and until I owned the lack of integrity neediness would show up as a symptom.
Standing into, by witnessing the hate that I had generated wouldn’t have been possible until now. Sharing this process without the back story hasn’t been possible until now.

I have enjoyed this dance with the shadows and light. I am delighted to find that the light and dark are merging, not into hazy grey but an illuminated silver.

A Spring Dance Retreat

These next weeks I'll am fulfilling dreams so long ago dreamt they were for a time forgotten. As I look over the preparations for this retreat and facilitator training I am grateful and feel blessed beyond my wildest imaginings. The privilege of stepping out of time, as it were, into days and weeks of dance and prayer, of life revolving around the tribe and temple is an exquisite life transforming blessing. Yes there is work involved, yes I'll have to dig deep within, yes I am ready to be completely me!

Namaste