Goddess knows I loved my story, all stories. It has unfolded everyday of my life and I couldn’t imagine life without. Goddess knows I’ve been grateful for the story, for the longest time I thought it was the only thing that was really and truly mine. I see now that I was living in my mind then. I see now that the story had taken over and that my story was living me instead of the other way around.
When the story lived me I believed the story with my whole heart despite knowing that the story was a mental construct or point of view. I would defend my story, creating as I went if I had to in order to protect my take on my story. Now I see that I had to lie regularly to defend my story. I saw my story as a good one, entertaining and worth holding onto. What else does one do with a good story?
This freeing from story began with the discovery that I didn’t trust myself. I projected that lack of self trust. I didn’t trust others. I expected others wouldn’t trust me. When I closed my eyes and went into my body to follow that thread of distrust I saw and felt the hooks that held the untrustworthy story in place. I saw and felt how I projected the inner distrust to protect and hold the story in place. I began unhooking and owning the projections. I saw that I could unhook and own projections forever. I saw that this was how to keep the story alive forever too.
I realized I needed to turn this whole story over to the Mother. And so I gave Her the story, gave Her my emotional and mental attachments to the story. I released the physical attachment to the story. With each letting go light poured into the spaces that opened up. The feeling of being lit up from the inside overtook what was left of me. I felt a cracking and saw my energetic body freed from the confines of the story. I saw and felt the weight of the story slide off in what looked like flakes of a rusted out suit of armor.
Free is where I am without a story, free to be present, free to be me.
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