Dear Father of my Son

Our child is now a grown man. A wonderful person he is, with the glitches and foibles of a human, the heart of a lion, and the soul of an angel. When we started out as birth parents of this child we had no idea of what we doing as a couple much less as parents. As the years rolled by the relationship between you and I deteriorated until there was no communication except through the child. That is why I write. This is an irresponsible stance for me to take as a parent and so I find it necessary to open a dialogue between us with a letter.

When we knew each other as intimates, we came with the baggage and history of our pasts. My particular baggage involved a temper, resentments, and a disrespect of men in general. Through these years as mother to three sons I have come to grips with the anger that defined the first part of my life and in so doing found the root cause of the disrespect and distrust that had plagued all my relations. I have no interest in inventorying another person anymore, I am busy enough keeping track of my own business.

I couldnt figure out what to do with my inclination to talk with you. I had to check and double check to be sure I was clear of fear before starting this letter. The key was forgiving my self, not you.

Now as mother to all my sons I believe it is my place to speak respectfully with you the father of our child. He is hurting. He has inherited our baggage, the same baggage that we inherited from our parents. I know you love this child and your intentions are good. As his father you hold the power of a God. His need for your approval and love are as strong in him now as they were when he was five years old. As parents we sent mixed messages to our children about our love for them based in the mixed messages we received ourselves as children.

I love this child, and he loves you. I need you to know you have my respect for all youve done as a father. My need to be a mother to my son dies with me, until then I will shoot for the moon and stars for this man. I am appealing to that instinct in you. I have no idea of how you would bring the moon and stars down to ground for your son and make no suggestions. I trust love to know what it will take and I trust your love for your son.

Wishing us all the best,