Deep in the Heart of Menopause

I am, at fifty three years of age deep in the heart of menopause. Why am I sharing this? It is the framework within which my vessel resides and is a reflection of an inner state of affairs. For years I anticipated release from the monthly menstrual responsibilities. I am of the birth control generation and I didn't used the pill. I have three children, two abortions, and four miscarriages to show for my child bearing years. One of the responsibilities I was very much looking forward to releasing was the possibility of pregnancy.

Out of a belief that I had experienced plenty of time being outside the box  as a menstruating woman, I mistakenly anticipated menopause as a time when I would fit  into this world more comfortably. The opposite is proving to be true. As my menstrual cycle has slowed my energy to remain outside the box is increasing. So while I do not fit this culture any more comfortably, I am unconcerned about fitting. I have found, and for the most maintain my balance in a way that is joyful if rarely comfortable.

It was a wonder to discover myself grieving the loss of my moontime cycles this year. Honouring the grief meant describing to myself the many ways in which my moontime had been a gift from the feminine that I cherish in all ways. Working creatively as I do with glass I found many of the pieces that came through me at the time were personal statements about balancing my male and female aspects. (Those pieces remain some of the only real mosaic work I’ve done with glass.)

Our culture shuns these passages in our lives. While studying native American Indian cultures I found practices around womens’ moontime  worth emulating. The use of the word moontime for example instead of the word period, or worse. The dignity and respect of going to a moon lodge  with other menstruating women sounded heavenly compared with my own cultures’ insistence that we continue to meet it’s demands instead of honouring ourselves with the rest we need.

Women in a village menstruated in synch with each other, usually around the new moon. Leaving their families to care for themselves for the days of their moontime was a necessity not a luxury. While our blood flows it is as if a crack has opened in our world and we are able to see and feel ourselves clearly. Most women experience an emotional roller coaster ride during their menstruation never knowing that those emotions are a tool meant to facilitate not hamper us. It is a time for a woman to step beyond the mundane to move into a bigger picture, a universal consciousness. It is a time for women to pray for the good of the whole.

While most of us will try to schedule our lives so that our menstrual cycles don’t interfere with our lives, a less than respectful stance to take toward our femaleness, many of us are thinking in terms of ridding themselves of the “curse”  entirely. One sign of how healthy our health care system is lies in how willing that system is to aid and abet women in shunning and disrespecting their bodies.

There is a perpetual assault being volleyed at women in our culture the same as in cultures where we can easily identify the assault. We are more hypocritical about the assault. That point has not been lost on the cultures that we criticize. While we can point fingers and blame left and right centre around why and how this is the state of affairs I see no need to perpetuate the assault by refusing to accept what responsibility I can carry to halt the assault.