Unravelling The Addiction

A few couples in our local Bald Eagle population have learned that small fishing boats sometimes leave small bait fish, or stunned too small tommy cods floating on the surface of the water around them. This eagle had watched us until just such a moment. Photo taken in 2002

Accompanying this eagle picture is part of a letter to a girlfriend...

I quit smoking cigarettes, again. My success as a non smoker depends on uncovering and unstuffing the emotional debris and coping mechanisms of a lifetime. Almost fifteen years ago when I really began dedicating myself to ridding my body of the nicotine addiction and the smokers hack, one of the results of withdrawing from nicotine were ungovernable crying jags. It was as if every emotion I had ever stuffed by grabbing a cigarette was on me right now. If anything new came up that I was inclined to stuff, the water works would let go and I wouldn’t be able to stop. I cried off and on for weeks, sometimes non stop for days at a time. The crying would stop when I lit a cigarette.

Last fall the first question I asked Daniel Jacob who channels the Reconnections(when I felt compelled for the first time in twenty years to have a reading done) was…what’s with the cigarette smoking? Why can’t I quit? It was one of those wonderful answers, one that I already knew for myself that spoke about keeping a lid on the light worker that I am. That information helped remove the last vestiges of shame and guilt that I was wearing around being a nicotine addict. While it felt good to have justification to continue smoking, I also felt it was time to take the lid off my light.

I quit smoking in the beginning of March 2007 after reading a book called The Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Allen Carr. Before I quit I had purposely stopped counting the years I’ve smoked, when I counted I reached 39 years.

It was easy enough to stop having worked through much of the emotional baggage that I had hidden behind the smoke screen. So this time, instead of sorrow and pain tripping the addiction switch it was a desire to celebrate and make merry that led to the first cigarette.

Yesterday was a difficult day, I woke up to a nic fit and continued through the day. By focusing on the fact that difficult days happen whether I smoke or not I made it through to today without a cigarette and without feeling like I was making a huge sacrifice. There was a time when I criticized my world for the “instant gratification” culture it is. Little did I then realize that I was the first and really only offender in this instant gratification world that could matter to me. My fear that I would be haunted for the rest of my life by the desire to smoke held me captive to the nicotine addiction for fifteen extra years.

Maybe you’ve quit, likely not. I know that the stresses and pressures of regular life may not have left you any feeling of “grace” room within which to take another stab at butting out permanently. When you’re ready, or, ready or not, there are lots of used copies of The Easy Way to Quit Smoking out there.

I’ll close with the lovely blessing of Sige, Divine Silence.
MAY YOU BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE DIVINE.