Thirty years of journaling has walked me through childhood and given me an opportunity to recapitulate my life. I uncovered and released a myriad of filters or misunderstandings about who I am. Still a nub of self criticism has remained to sneak up on me unawares.
This evening during our Choosing Peace e-class teleconference meditation we were guided to form a bridge or link between our head mind and our heart mind. We were guided to envision a hand holding a cup containing a golden spiral against our heart and solar plexus. We were then led to envision a cylinder of light between our head and heart into which we could pour any unsettling thoughts that were haunting us at this time, to be gently contained in that Golden spiral.
At first I was at a loss, I have a good life and then I remembered and began pouring all the versions of “who do you think you are“thinking that I have indulged in lately that created a thread whose end held a belief about needing to apologize for who I am. As I honoured, blessed and set my intention to release the thought thread unto the hands I felt a fear let go. With the intention to incorporate the cup and golden spiral into my being I felt a tightening in my abdomen…as if I’d done a physical workout.
Like many of us, I was trod upon for shining my light during my whole childhood. Ever since, a built in predisposition to cringe when I let light escape me in unusual ways has haunted me. On the one hand I held my face to the Light, on the other hand I was Judas to my own Christ and humiliated to admit to the depths of my relationship with Spirit.
I feel I have another resource or tool now imbedded within my being to help me find peace through release of those fear filled thoughts. So be it.
5 comments:
Hello Anne,
how powerful is consciously directed focused intention. We all let ourselves down again and again and again, and the trick is to keep on keeping on. We will all-ways be Guided... i was always my own worst enemy, sabotaging my life opportunities in so many ways, and at the drop of a hat!
It's brilliant you have acquired tool(s) to confront the fear thoughts in your being in your group setting; we never know until we try something right? Luckily for us all, life is full of opportunities that are there to "help" us move closer to our True Nature.
i have to check myself from time to time to remind me it's not a race. It's a very personal and magnificent inner unfolding, all this. And full of stunning surprises!
Blessings & love,
Friend,John
ps- i think your glass painting of the dolphins is- gorgeous!!!
About the self sabotage...me too John, me too. I even grew attached to and had pride in that self sabotage...a kind of reverse self righteousness.
Often when I'm reading your contributions here John I am reminded of this little ditty by Thoreau...
"COULD A GREATER MIRACLE TAKE PLACE FOR US THAN TO LOOK THROUGH EACH OTHER'S EYES FOR AN INSTANT? WE SHOULD LIVE IN ALL THE AGES OF THE WORLD IN AN HOUR; AY, IN ALL THE WORLDS OF THE AGES. I KNOW OF NO READING OF ANOTHER'S EXPERIENCE SO STARTLING AND INFORMING AS THIS WOULD BE."
That dolphin ring was designed years ago as a wedding gift...I loved the design so much I had to make another...and another...probably made about a dozen of them now.
Gotta go take the apple pie out of the oven...can you smell it?
mmmmmmmmmm! dee-leezious.
To be frank Anne, i'm having major problems with an alcoholic and aggressive neighbour who lives below me. Constant noise, disco music, loud like a rave party.
This goes on day and night since he moved in about a month ago. The place has become un-inhabitable. Am looking for somewhere else to live, so there we are. It's time to move, again. i had the same problem some years ago in another part of town, and it nearly drove me "round-the-bend". Will chat again sometime.
Lovelight,
frm,John
Oh John,
My heart goes out to you. Noise pollution is the greatest stresser I know of. I will hold a vision of you comfortably ensconsed in a peaceful natural setting where your Light can shine, shine, shine!
I just had a thought...I'll also send a beam of LoveLight to your neighbour...many alcoholics are wayward Lightworkers.
Love, love, love you,
Your sister in the Light,
Anne
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