"Alice" through the Solstice Window

This Week's Transmission . . .from Mary Nalini MacNab


'Alice' through the Solstice Window ~


Today's transmission comes from the alignment of the solstice window which we are now moving through, each in her own way.

"'Each in Her own way', is the theme for this week's transmission. As the energies of the solstice loom the largest they have seemd in your experience, you may find yourself in and out of body, one minute supremely focused inward, the next drawn into something that feels otherworldly, then dropped back 'in' to the physical body in a way that confounds and confuses... what was I doing? What was I in the middle of? What did the person(s) I am speaking with just say? What planet is this? What world?

This is the beginning of multiplicity in a way you have not imagined yourself to exist. The veils are not just thinning now, they are diffused, seemingly 'broken' and yet not. The NOW is present, the NOW of eternal creation, pure dreaming, pure navigation from the heart.

It is imperative, so very important, that you move from the heart in each and every moment. Listen and allow it to direct your every motion. Your every direction. For the heart IS the direction you must follow at this time. When faced with the moment by moment multiplicity of choosing, listen. Breathe into centre and allow your heart, as it is in alignment with My Heart at its core, to choose for you. It is your core, your essence, the Truth of your Beingness that must now step forward and choose, in each moment, in integrity and from strength.

It is time to respond, moment by moment, from the power that runs through you and to remember the choice for Love, as it unfolds from within and around you ~ in the certain knowingness that you remember ~ even as you know not what you do.

You are held in this time, this window of creative flow called 'opportunity'. Allow yourself to be in this held space, to flow along with this great tide of changing, and watch as all morphs from within."

'Mother made me; I am She; Let go, and flow along with me!'

~ as given thru 'Mary', from the heart of the next wave 12/11/2010 ~ all rights reserved

May Every Blessing Find You!

With unending love,

Mary (Nalini)
www.delphicwave.com
delphicwave.blogspot.com

A Story from the Queens Kingdom

Once upon a time the queen found herself under siege and no longer able to travel her kingdom freely. In a dream the queen learned that this taking away of her rights and powers would serve the highest good of all of life. In the dream she was shown a place of beauty, love and light that would be born of her unconditional love for all of life. The queen agreed. She knew in her heart that her real power lay within her being and could not be controlled through siege or threat of death.

Eventually it became clear to the queen that she would need servants to help her steer clear of the dangers that daily visited her door, if she was lucky enough to have one. The first servant she wove from the fibers of her being hemmed with tears. This servant she named Power and Power was sent into hiding. The next servant was named Pretend and the next Forget. Slowly as circumstances arose she wove loyal and loving servants to help her keep herself safe.

Decades flew by and the servants were inherited by the daughters when they discovered they were queens. Often the daughters had to create new servants so difficult was it for them to refuse the moontime call of their queen selves. And so the armies of servants grew through thousands of years of siege.

When the day dawned that the siege began letting up the Queen was in a quandary. She could feel herself being called by the dream to stand up and take back her kingdom. Yet the queen had forgotten about her servants so accustomed to their service had she become. So every time she stood to take her place a servant would stand in front of her to keep her safe. This would send her emotional body careening off the walls in showers of anger, frustration, self loathing and an often unnamed shame of self betrayal.

The less the queen loved herself the more she loved outside of herself. It took a mirror the Sacred Witness and a few good girlfriends to remind the queen that she had an army of servants that would need new marching orders in order for her to be able to re-inhabit her kingdom. And so it came to pass. With the discovery of the servants came the discovery of their loyal, loving lifetimes of service to her safety. She was deeply, deeply touched by this love. She held ceremony to honor these servants their vigilance and faithful service in her name. And the queen began calling each of her servants to the head office to be decommissioned. The servants the queen had inherited wouldn’t be budged from their tasks until they were satisfied that the queen was really safe. Others were assigned new tasks until they were convinced, and others required no more assurances and were absorbed back into the heart of the queen in the blink of an eye. At the time of this writing the queen is in continuing peace talks with the remains of her one time army of servants. Her kingdom is hers to live happily ever after in, or not.
I send much love and gratitude to Beate Ronnenfeldt for sharing her vision that inspired this short story

A Spring Dance Retreat

These next weeks I'll am fulfilling dreams so long ago dreamt they were for a time forgotten. As I look over the preparations for this retreat and facilitator training I am grateful and feel blessed beyond my wildest imaginings. The privilege of stepping out of time, as it were, into days and weeks of dance and prayer, of life revolving around the tribe and temple is an exquisite life transforming blessing. Yes there is work involved, yes I'll have to dig deep within, yes I am ready to be completely me!

Namaste

A Blog Update

It's been some time since I've posted regularly, partly because I haven't been able to post pictures and partly because my attention was drawn other places. Since returning from a trip to visit with the Grandchildren in Vernon and their high speed internet connection, I am able to post pictures, wonder of wonders and here I am again.

A full year of working with Kundalini Trance dance has me as deeply committed to the work as I am to breathing itself. I'm heading out April 27th to begin another eight day retreat to be followed immediately by the first seven days of hours of training as a facilitator of the Kundalini Trance Dance. The easyness with which I write those words now speaks to the months of processing the decision to honor the calling.

While I travel to Gabriola Island from April 27th until May 15th Court has decided to head out on a couple of short motorcycle journeys to Vancouver Island to visit friends. He's finally got his 1973 650 Triumph Bonneville running like new and wants to take her around and show her off a bit. I'll have to take and post a picture of them together.

There is more news to share, a new cat member in our tribe. I'm going to give Shorty, aka Sir Bumalot a proper introduction and moment in the limelight (with pictures) with his own posting in the near future. Until then:

Blessed be!

The Keys to Our Kingdoms : A Doorway

Blessing of Peace, Love and Laughter are winging your way this sacred day!

Reflections from THE AWAKENING RETREAT Nov. 2008

I thought I was going to dance when I left home ten days ago to attend Leyolah Antara's "Awakening Retreat". Now I can say that I returned last night from a journey to answers to my question of how I can bring Heaven down to Earth.




I've long dreamed of peace of Earth. Most wishes I've sent to the universe have had peace at their core. I've cultivated peace in my own life that it may ripple outward. I felt that I needed to dig deeper still into myself to find a way to bring this wishful dream of peace more down to the Earth. I know now that when I was strongly called to attend the retreat, it was the answer to how to deepen my peace. What appeared on the surface of things to be a my free will decision to go dance for eight days was as much or more my answering a call that sounds from Leyolahs' Heart to serve humanity at this time in our awakening. Twenty two women and two men were there answering the call that rings out from Leyolah's heart to be in a "timeless" service to all of Life, from the horrific or mundane to the ecstatic Self of humanity.





Leyolah lives her teachings. She embodies the Divine Feminine of a Thousand Names. She is a model of how we can, through our very bodies, raise the vibration rate of a humanity in dire need of these tools. Through dance movement, breathing, our voices and meditations we were slowly, gently, but ever so inexorably inspired to experience our ecstatic potent selves. She and her facilitators loved us and loved and loved us...until we loved ourselves.

My eternal thanks to Davina for enticing me to dance through her beautiful embodiment of this work and for introducing me to her teacher. More eternal gratitude to Leyolah for being who she is, for diving into her visions of humanity and having the amazing courage to live her dreams and share them with us.


Here is one last picture of the tribe...can you see the outline of a heart that the bodies formed?

I will share more when the words have sorted themselves out. In the meantime for more info about Leyolah and her work:

http://www.kundalini-dance.com/


P.S.
Happy Birthday Dad! I burnt the onions this sacred day in your honour. Thank you, I love you.

PRAYER SHAWL WEAVING for Sunday, Nov. 9, 2008

Peace, Om Shanti, Salam, Shalom

Welcome to #34 in our Prayer Shawl Weaving series. It is nigh on a full moon and we are exactly half way through this turn of the seasonal wheel called Autumn.

In honour of the Fall we are traversing, let us again start in the West to welcome and introduce ourselves…I am Anne from B.C. and I will be our facilitator this evening. Let us weave our ancestors into our circle by also naming our parents and grandparents. I invite Tina and Richard my parents, I invite Antoinette and Rene and Josephina and Ryzard to this sacred circle with us this evening. (Each of the callers introduces themselves and their circle of ancestors)

This year our Service to the Divine Feminine as Vessels of Peace gifted us Grandmother Spider as guardian of our journey. This week She asks us to weave, with light or thread or prayers, whatever works for you, a connection next with each other in this circle…. then moving on to include other Vessels of Peace who can not join us in form, and further still to those beings who resonate with Peace wherever they may be or who they are, in the world. Breathe deeply and feel, see, hear us linking up…to weave together.

I was born on North American soil, a first generation Dutch/Polish becoming Canadian immigrant. Until I was twenty five years old I was unaware of the native presence of the First People that had walked the land of this North American continent before us. Within moments of stepping off the plane in Vancouver in 1978 visions of the people who had walked these trails before me flitted at the periphery of my consciousness. I knew I had been here as an aboriginal person by the sense of return, home coming and welcome that filled me. (This before I had any framework for or belief in reincarnation.) One of the consequences of reconnecting with the First People’s perspective was anger and rage at what had happened to them/us, most of which, though certainly not all, was directed at my/our ancestors.

Now I’ve learned I am responsible for it all, there is no one to blame. Though you and I are generations removed from the wave of people who over ran this continent we can now make the choice to assume responsibility for the actions of my/our ancestors. In that choice is the wisdom and healing of learning and adopting where possible the ways of praying and gathering in the Name of God or Great Spirit that were sacred to the First People of this continent.

Breathe deeply in and out releasing any tension or resistance. Envision your toes growing, weaving roots that delve deep into the Earth... Let those roots find the sap of life, the Divine Feminine milk/energy of the Mother, and bring that sap or light back up into the trunk of your being to your open heart….and fill your heart with the milk of Mother Love and kindness…. Now traveling from your heart up your body/ tree trunk, out your roots or branches to the sky to connect with Father Sky…and then bring down that Divine Masculine energy to your heart….and marry those energies together…enlarging yet balancing your heart. Revel in your expanded and centered heart for a moment…

We entered this sacred circle of service through the Eastern doorway of Springtime to plant the seeds of our intention to weave a prayer shawl of connection with Gaia, each other, ourselves, all of life. As we fulfill and are filled in by our intention to serve life we move through, or better yet, become various embodiments of Divine Feminine energy, sometimes barely nameable, other embodiments known by a thousand names. In the West, deep in the heart of the introspective Autumn season one of the forms of Divine Feminine energy that has been invoked since time began is Shaman Woman.

Before we listen to Her (Shaman Woman’s) message, the bowl will sound…after we have listened to this message from outside yourself, the bowl will sound to signal our entrance into the silence…where we will go to listen to the voice of our inner Shaman Women…

SHAMAN WOMAN

Shaman Woman older than old, wisewoman whose deerskin cloak touches the ground. Her feet are brown, wide with her strides across the earth. Walking, she leaves tracks of puma and bear, skeleton tracks in the dust between the worlds. The Aurora Borealis, her shawl on cold winter nights, glimmers like fireflies, green, lavender, indigo.

Shaman Woman, long silver hair, stars wreath her head, a map of the universe in the wrinkles around her eyes. She sees beyond the veil of skin, down to our soul gifts, beholds the river of our destiny, the unfolding ribbon of our fate fluttering in the wind. Her laughter lifts spirits, bears peace to closed hearts. Shaman Woman, drumming since the beginning of time, she carries the heartbeat of life. Her drumming keep the galaxies turning, the plants growing, animals birthing and babies swimming down the birth canals. She is Guardian of the Gates of Life and Death. She sings into our births, holds us in her veil of moth wings at our deaths.

Shaman Woman has been called many things over the vastness of time: Lady-Unique-Inclination-of-the- Night, the Moirae, Grandmother. She holds the Medicine Bundle of Life. From it the stars tumble out, the moon waxes and wanes, the sun rises: the elixirs and healing formulas, mending medicines flow in a neverending stream. As we sleep, her drum beats softly like the heartbeat of the mother, steady, sweet.

The threads of life all begin and end in her Bundle, streamers of red, silver, gold. They flutter down to earth, join us at our birth, guiding the journeys that lie before us.
by Beth Beurkens 2006

(Sound the bowl) Gently, slowly coming back to our bodies…we offer thanks to our parents and grandparents, to our ancestors. We thank Grandmother Spider for her always timely nudges and guidance. We offer thanks to Shaman Woman for the mirror image She holds up for us to see ourselves within and send thanks to the creator of the poem Shaman Woman.

Peace, Om Shanti, Salam, Shalom

As the Seasons Have Turned

I've fallen out of the habit of sharing the journey in writing. There is only one way to remedy that, start writing and see where it leads me.


It's been a full summer, between company and maintaining the gardens. While I haven't gotten out on the water this year I have sat almost daily at the end of the pier in the harbour communing with water, landscape and the myriad of lifeforms you'll find by the sea.

A decision I made this time last year has reaped more change than I could have foreseen then. I wanted food from the gardening work I do so I planted what I hoped would be year's worth of garlic in one of the flowerbeds. Sticking to the decision to grow food in flower beds required some flexibility in planting patterns...no more straight lines for this gardener. Last Fall and this Spring I moved perenial flowering stocks into pots or gave them away to make way for peas, beans, brocolli, potatoes, chard, beets, carrots, leeks, onion, lettuces, peppers, cucumbers, zuchini and tomatoes.

It had been almost twenty years since I had maintained a big vegetable patch. I had forgotten the satisfaction and what fun the work is. I had forgotten what a blessing the whole experience of growing and eating food you've grown is.

In the beginning of July a new to me Barbara Kingsolver book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle -A Year is the Life of Food literally jumped off the bookshelf into my hands at the bookstore. Before I was half way through the book I knew I would be making a commitment to make at least 25% of what we eat come from within 100 miles of where we live this year...next year 50%. With that commitment my food shopping shifted from the grocery store to the farmers market and local producers, which turns out to be another community adventure/blessing I had forgotten.

As the need to preserve more food for the year grew, so did a decision to invest in a food dehydrator. When my sons were in school (in the 80's) I dehydrated fruit and fruit leathers for snacks for their lunches. The 2008 model is a wonderful machine...turning out beautifully colored,(with no preservatives)highly nutritious strawberries, blueberries, apples to name a luscious few. I'm loving the peach fruit leather the most...and the spaghetti sauce leather...which is kind of like pemmican but instead of being berry based it's tomato based. I better stop talking food or we'll all be going for snacks soon.

One source of energy and joy that has been an integral part of this year is the weekly Kundalini Trance dance with facilitator Davina Bailey that happens in the living room or the front garden when possible. We are a small group, usually no more than five women, sometimes two. The dance is a glorious way of affirming life on so many levels. Trance Dance has returned me to my dreams of myself as a dancer from my child and young adulthood and in so returning I feel and see myself youthing rather than aging.

Another weekly source of feminine companionship in prayer and meditation are the Vessels of Peace Prayer Shawl teleconference meditations on Sunday night. With much guidance from Grandmother Spider a sense of connection, of peaceful intention and love that this container of women create for each other and the world at large can not be fathomed through words, only through experience. My need to feel of service to a world in such need is being met working in community with other Vessels of Peace. We share the facilitation of the meditations, each of us answering a personal call to facilitate whose subject matter inevitably works for the whole. Magic!

And the foundation of this wonderful blessed life...Court and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary on Sept. 15th with a feast from our gardens. Yummy!

It feels good to count blessings...they increase with every count.
May your blessings be countless too!

Receiving The Grandmother's Empowerment

My experience on the phone today with Sharon McErlane was remarkable. I read her book “A Call to Power : The Grandmother’s Speak” at the beginning of winter and immediately incorporated some of the suggested meditations from the Grandmothers in the gatherings of women in my home. The Rose of Your Heart meditation is a beautiful visualization and a group favourite.
http://www.grandmothersspeak.com/

When I recently discovered and released a sense of not feeling worthy to offer the Darshan (blessing) of Peace, it also registered that I had been resisting the Grandmothers Empowerment. I went to the website and ordered a DVD of Sharon facilitating the net of light meditation and offering the empowerment of the Grandmothers. When the DVD arrived I found a short note from Sharon offering help if I wanted to start a Grandmothers Group. My heart was touched by the offer and I immediately wrote back to share how much she/They had already helped.

We arranged to meet on the phone so she could offer me the Grandmother’s Empowerment that I may pass it, and the Cloak of Comfort for men, along. We shared our sense of being honoured and privileged to be able to serve life through this connection. When Sharon described lighting a candle and picking a flower for me the goose bumps started prickling on my scalp. It was nothing less than exquisite to be assured by the Grandmothers through the vehicle of Sharon’s voice that the Grandmother’s are about giving, and they want us to call on them any and all the time that they may give.

As I imaged the shawl of empowerment floating into place over my head, the tears of grief that this has taken so long and joy that I have arrived started slowly trickling. With this paradoxical set of emotions washing over me, came the voice of my guide Grandmother Spider telling me she’s been waiting for my permission…and she wrapped me in an eight legged hug. I am enfolded in Her love and grinning ear to ear. When Sharon began singing the Grandmothers love for me, their promise to always be there rang sweet and strong through her words. As a grandmother I knew immediately the deep truth of their words…I too know only pleasure that my grandchildren need me…I too would answer their calls anytime, anywhere.

I put this experience to words for those like me who can’t or don’t want to travel to receive the Grandmother’s empowerment.

Share Your Joy

Two nights ago I found myself enthralled and joyous at the sound of robins singing their robust end of day songs, quite enjoying what would ordinarily be an ordinary sound because I was listening to them in Wisconsin through a teleconference phone line. I felt a moment of trepidation when I realized that I had almost forgotten to ask Mother God the question that was the purpose of this meditation. I remembered I wanted to ask Mother God what I could do to help Her/Us. She assured me with the gentleness of the scent of wisteria on the evening air, that my joy in the robin song was Her joy. She asked only that we share our joy in Her Creations with Her.

How sweet, simple and easy is that?

Taking Back Our Shadows

Below is the jist of last nights Vessels of Peace meditation...it feels appropriate to share this message further.

An experience of connecting with Africa through a series of meditations has shown me how I as an individual am responsible for the state of affairs in the world around me. At the outset I felt no sense of connection to Africa. Using the words communion, communication and community as our guidelines we examined world attitudes toward Africa. I realized they were my own. I sat for a week with the uncomfortable feeling of how perceiving Africa as a resource to be exploited, and currently as a needy third world country creates the Africa of today. I felt clearly how my own unexamined attitude contained an emotional charge that contributes detrimentally to the situation I have the attitude about. I create and fuel a destructive shadow within myself and of the people, places or things I put my attention toward.

During one of the meditations we were led to follow the thread of people who had been stolen and sold from Africa to be enslaved in North America; through immersing myself and becoming one of the enslaved, sharing the crushing pain I was able to extend a sincere apology back down the timeline. Without immersing myself in the pain and agony and owning that part of me that committed the atrocities at the same time, there could be no sincerely felt apology right now where the power lies. And for me, a feeling of real connection with Africa began the moment I asked for forgiveness.



Events in Myanmar/Burma and China these last weeks have released many souls from their physical bodies. I felt drawn to begin our meditation today with a focus on those souls. We can thank them for offering their lives at this time of earth changes and promise them to serve life by learning the lesson they offer. We can stand as witnesses at the bridge between life in form and life in spirit and sing of love with all our hearts.

For the next stage of this journey I would like you to notice how the heart area of your body feels…open, closed, warm, hard, or soft…take a moment to feel your heart…. we will need to each call up an image of a rose. …not a closed bud, nor a completely opened rose…but a half unfurled rose, a red, pink or yellow rose. Imagine that rose breathing with you, as you breathe in the rose unfurls a little, and as you breathe out…it closes up again. As you breathe in your rose unfurls a little…as you breathe out it closes a little…breathe like this for a moment…now visualize your rose hovering over the heart area of your body….and gently invite that rose to descend into your body….to create a heart rose. Spend a few moments glorying in the rose of your heart. (Many thanks to the Grandmothers and Sharon McErlane for sharing the rose of the heart meditation with the world)

Now we are asked to invite the Generals of Burma/Myranmar who are unable to open their hearts into the rose of our hearts that they may experience the strength, compassion and wisdom of peace that resides within us. We can witness their fear, mirroring peace. We can thank them for their role in awakening mankind and with the assistance of a violet light, shower them with that strength, compassion and wisdom of peace.


Now there are many other names and faces that I/we need to call into our circle and claim as part of the whole, part of me, part of us. Names like Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Khadafi, (add your own names too) people just like me that I have reviled, I now ask your forgiveness. I can see the fear, see through the fear, and mirror peace. I invite the world leaders into the rose of my heart, thanking them for their roles in this awakening mankind. I invite the major power brokers of our time into the rose of my heart, asking them to forgive me for laying blame. I love the bureaucrats, doctors, lawyers and teachers I have formerly disrespected, maligned, and yes, hated. I take back all the shadow parts of myself that I have unknowingly left littered as energy to be employed destructively. I take back all the shadow parts of me that formerly fueled the separation between, I take back all the shadow parts of myself to be loved and healed through forgiveness, not of them, but of my unawakened self.

In committing ourselves to working in a medicine way we open doors that only open for commitment. When we stretch for the strength and courage to open the doors within ourselves that lead to healing within, we chart the way to healing without. We are this century’s wave of explorers charting the world of peace we envision.

Today's Blessing from the Garden

There is always something to distract you from work in the garden. The first picture is of Court holding a red winged black bird that he saw fly full force into a window. It’s a gut wrenching sound, one that we hear a couple of times a year, especially during mating season. Court picked him up off the ground where he had fallen head first and held him to warm him. Within a few minutes the bird was holding his head up, and holding on to Court’s hand with a vengeance.

We decided to place him gently back in a tree, the second photo. As I moved around the tree to take the picture his head swiveled to follow the motion, but it didn’t startle him as it should. Ten minutes later when I again approached the tree he flew off to land in the grand daddy fir tree above the chicken coop. It seems that the large sunflower eating beak of the black bird offers him some protection from those types of accidents. Smaller beaked birds like the juncos and towhees have died from flying into the window with less force than this fellow.

Despite the discombombulating feeling of hearing a bird hit the window,it is wonderful when our efforts at helping bear fruit. The chance to help and hold a wild bird and, in this case, capture a beautiful picture is a garden blessing indeed.
PS...I finished digging the potato patch.

Giant Spider Web Story from Texas

Entomologists from around the world are very excited about a unique spider web that looks like something out of a movie. The web is so large that it covers a good number of trees and surrounding plants at Lake Tawokoni State Park.

The magnificent picture of the giant spider web below was taken by the Donna Garde, superintendent of the state park. Walking upon this site may scare many, and it’s reported that some visitors actually fear that their small dogs may be webbed and consumed ‘nothing could be further from the truth!’ In fact, it is one of the best bug free areas in the park acting as a giant mosquito net.
Although no one has given a definitive answer, many spider experts conclude that the ’stretch spiders’ are working together to form the massive web. Some say these webs happen every few years while others say it is a rarity.

Stretch Spiders, or Tetragnatha, are found all over the world, although most occur in the tropics and subtropics. They obtain their name from the ability to stretch out and hide on a stick or blade of grass when in danger. These spiders are commonly found close to water and compose large webs. In the case of above, these spiders appear to be working together.

http://www.badspiderbites.com/giant-spider-web/

Our Round World - Part 2

Some months back, around the time of the Twisty Hemlock story, my rocks and crystal family asked to go for a walk to the ocean for a cleanse. There was a fine mist of rain on a not particularly fine day. Nevertheless, I prodded myself out the door, carrying lunch and the family.

I slipped into the Peace Mantra that has become second nature when I walk...Peace, Om Shanti, Salaam, Shallom. When I reached for drinking water at the half way point and didn't find it I remembered leaving it sitting on the counter in the kitchen. In this country though, with a creek to cross ahead of me, drinking water isn't a problem. When I spotted a thrown away coffee cup on the roadside I had a drinking vessel. And let me tell you that water was cold, cold, cold. Cold enough that I left it sitting on a roadside boulder hoping for a ray of sunshine to warm it for my return journey.

By the time I arrived on the beach in Rasmussen Bay the sky had half lifted, and the half I was under was still cloudy and misting with rain. I set my babies into their wash cloths to stir in the waves of the receding tide and sat to eat my snack. In the few short minutes it took to eat, the sky cleared and opened creating an egg shaped horizon (the picture in the previous post) from my perspective among the beachside boulders.


Once again I was grateful I carried the extra weight of the camera to capture the magic of those moments....and despite the sunshine, the drinking water was just as cold on the return journey.

Our Lady of Enlacement

After recognizing Spider Woman’s offer to act as guide and guardian to this years Vessels of Peace circle of service She began showing up almost everyday. I found a book called in part “Mending the Web”. I saw a spider, the size of a quarter walk across our altar at a woman’s Cedar Circle gathering. Little tiny spiders began dropping out of nowhere to dangle in my view scape even landing on my hand as I typed. Today after following an impulse to do a follow up phone call to an individual I had done an energy treatment for there was a spider sitting on the wall when I put the phone back into it’s cradle. Each and every time She shows up a sense of how sacred each and every tiny moment is comes to me and I am reminded to thank Spider Woman for the guidance.

A little poem called “Our Lady of Enlacement” by Susa Silvermarie was one of the jewels that turned up in the book “Mending the Web” that captures the essence of our awe inspiring guardian.



Our Lady of Enlacement


Every morning

you remake the net

so we can rise and

find the threads in place.

Lady of Enlacement,

without you our stories

could not entwine.

It’s you who web us.

You who sing us into weft.

Nothing can fall

From your cloth.

Susa Silvermarie 2006

Mending the Tattered Web of my Heart the World

When Grandmother Spider volunteered herself as guide and guardian to the Vessels of Peace circle of service for 2008, She began showing up a few days later. I stood in a bookstore reading the title of the book in my hands over and over, barely comprehending what I was reading, feeling I had to bring the book home. It read: “We’Moon ’08, Gaia Rhythms for Womyn, MENDING THE WEB”. This poem is one of many gems from this book dedicated to women whose work mends the web of life.

Mending the Tattered Web of My Heart the World


I am mending
the tattered web of my heart, the world,
with plush emerald yarn
of compassion and generosity.
I darn holes torn by blame and judgment
with soft sturdy strands
of kindness and understanding.

May I repair jagged rips
torn by despair and grief
with braided grasses of gratitude
and deep purple reeds of acceptance
of things as they are.

And where anger and fear
burned gaping holes,
may I reweave
with golden threads of forgiveness,
gleaming copper cords of courage,
and strong silver strands of trust
in the mysterious and holy unfolding
of what is greater than I can know.

To strengthen this web of my heart, the world,
I send out these healing threads,
to anyone who needs them,
anyone at all
in this whole world.

Jane Mara 2006

A Boney Medicine Story: A Vessel of Peace Journey

Have you ever wondered how to bring up and process the life issues that you sense are stopping you from being all that you really are? Me too! It took years to notice, but there has always been a tried and true method for bringing up “stuff”. It is as simple as stepping off into the unknown, be it on a physical journey or through a commitment to a task never done before. In the past I would wonder about the sometimes uncontrollable fears that would come up when I willingly stepped into an unknown. Today I’ve learned to bless that fear as a sign of processing work on my inner horizon.

When fear started showing up around facilitating a women’s circle I took it personally forgetting to bless the fear. Before long I felt overwhelmed with unease, self criticism and a raft of other life reducing old coping mechanisms. A feeling of being flakey that has haunted my days off and on since I can remember, and her sister, a sense of not enoughness were back with a vengeance. It wasn’t until a feeling of anger, focused toward another entered the picture that I remembered to bless my fear and look deeper inside. This is what I found:

It is about love. It is about loving me. I need to love me, it’s not about anybody else. It’s about the walls I’ve built, I can feel/see/hear/smell them. The walls began as childhood coping mechanisms; they’re now in my way. Remove the brick called Grandma doesn’t love me, I can see better now. Remove the brick called Mother doesn’t love me, remove the sister brick admit they loved me, feel that love. A few days go by while I grieve and glory in the feelings of love I’ve long denied. For the first time in this life I declare to the universe that I do need women in my life. I need women in my life. I need women. I need honest women, who care for people. I need devout women who care for their spiritual path and also want to share their dedication. I need joy and laughter, light hearted clean fun. I am willing to offer my best to a friendship with a woman and so I need the best in return. I need talented, courageous women in my life that I may be challenged to be all that I can be. I need these women as they need me. We are truly supportive of ourselves first, and each other on the next breathe.

The next day I hear of another women’s circle, a Red Cedar circle that is coming together to meet weekly. I know many of these women; we’ve never seen each other in this Light. We share our teachings, our love. We love each other. I cry at the sound of a young woman singing her heart out about the walls that stop love from reaching it’s destination. My heart is full to the brim before I remember the message I sent the universe about needing women.

The next evening again, I feel an urge to listen to the last recorded Doulas meditation. It is the call where we acted as both birthers and the birthed. I take notes and study the format, closing my eyes to join the silent meditation. Love rolls over me in long waves like the tears rolling down my cheeks. Grandmother, Mother, Sister love fill my being until I explode.



And then They were there… They’ve been calling me, reaching for me, supporting me all the days of my life. Since I was unconscious of their presence and love I wasn’t able to walk completely in my own shoes. I was a ghost of myself. I’ve had it backwards, our ancestors are not the ghosts. Without them, without respect and acknowledgement of my matriarchal lineage I am a ghost of myself. This Doulas series opened me, helped me make the space, gestate and process that this re-birthing could occur.



Tears wash my face releasing years of feeling flakey and not enough. Inside me now I can feel my power and esteem backed by generations of women, mothers, grandmothers, aunties and sisters. These women dreamed of me, dreamed for me, made me possible. I have been a caricature of myself without acknowledging, honouring and thanking the courageous matrilineal heritage that is mine. These are my foremothers and I am blessed to be able to invite them to take up permanent residence in my heart.


I have long sensed an emotional immaturity lurking and ready to spring at the most inconvenient times. I have felt pride about that which is not mine to feel prideful, and have not felt pride around that which I might. I’ve felt this imbalance in my spirit body, with my left side, the feminine side energetically feeling pulled out of shape. I realize now that it was a hollowness that was pulling my energetic body out of shape. That shapelessness creates the feelings of not enough and flakiness. We are bags of flesh without the bones of our ancestors to hinge our musculature upon.

I found the bones of my matriarchal lineage and invited them home. As I write this I remember a conversation I had with Spirit Bear months ago. She had gifted me a bear bone, placing it in my back, telling me it would dissolve when I no longer needed it. I didn’t know I needed it then, now I know/feel I don’t need it any longer. Thank you, thank you great Spirit Bear.

Next I’m walking Peace, Om Shanti, Salaam, Shalom and a vision of the boney exoskeleton of Spider Woman has me laughing with her. Since she appeared months ago offering herself as guide and guardian to the creation of a new circle of service, she has led me to reclamation of this feminine power, the bones of my female ancestors. This boney miracle is one of her gifts/teachings. Thank you thank you Spider Woman

One Among Many

As One among Many I am commissioned with bringing a message to us. I am to tell you/us/me that our names are known among the stars. Our valor in the face of overwhelming odds has become the stuff of legends throughout the universe. Our names are known, our deeds recorded as examples of what Love, capital L is capable of. Despite wearing impenetrable veils, despite abuse, resistance, hatred, evil, loneliness, and starvation on every level we have worked the miracle of holding space Within, being true to ourselves, that a True Earth be born on the outside too.

Today as I walked to the ocean to cleanse and rejuvenate my crystals and stones in the Pacific Oceans amniotic waters these words resounded in my head, took up residence in my heart. With each footstep the reality of all that I/we have accomplished, who we really are, all we are/Iam infused me. A hike and ceremony that would have ordinarily floored my energy levels requiring a nap attack has left me grounded and still bouncy after dinner.

Our hands have become very powerful instruments for creation. Each of us has a unique "turn water into wine" gift. Ground yourself between the Earth and the Stars. Take your power, dance with it, and familiarize yourself with your reconnected parts as you would a new lover. Utilize it. The energy that we are capable of generating and sharing now will become is now more and more extraordinary.

A heavy glass cooking vessel slipped from my hand and though I seemed to grab and save it, it exploded at my feet. I wasn't scratched though there was glass all around. I felt that I had caused the explosion with my hands. I had just walked away from typing these words with this energy still running through them...I will be more conscious in the future.

May you be still, and know that you are Divine.

A Winter Solstice Journey

Almost two months ago I was prompted to pull out the sewing machine to sew up a piece of cloth that had been kicking around the house for at least a year. No sooner did I have the sewing machine set up than I knew that the work I was doing around releasing a deep seated belief in sabotage involved the sewing machine.

It had been thirty years since I’d sewn. My husband of five years has mended my clothes when he couldn’t stand looking at the button missing or loose seam. My Mother was a seamstress and my Uncle a tailor. I took sewing in Home Ec in High School. At seventeen I worked as a seamstress to an upholsterer, learning the upholstery trade. (At eighteen I quit when I realized that the naps the upholsterer took every afternoon on one of the couches we were working on were a foil for his opportunity to masturbate while watching me working at the sewing machine.)

Everything about sewing is a doorway to childhood that I have never looked through as an adult, much less walked through.

An antique pink satin nightgown that was an antique when I it wore at eighteen, a black silk skirt I’d put away twenty something years ago intending to make something came to hand when I went rummaging.
Immediately I knew this was the material to make Medicine bags for my sacred items with. Taking apart the old clothing proved to be a valuable teaching in patience, design and fabrication…the pink nightgown in particular was a work of art.

As I sewed on my own Medicine Bags it came to me that I needed to sew my pregnant daughter in law one for the cards I gave her last year. Then I saw I could make one for my four year old grand daughter to introduce her to the idea of women carrying sacred feminine energy/medicine. Then I knew I needed to make Medicine Bags for three women friends by way of introducing them to the concept of making room for, nurturing, celebrating, and announcing relationship with Divine Feminine energy. And so between the sewing machine and my meditations and dreams the guidance came in over a two/three week period that this would be a Womens Winter Solstice Ceremony.

I had committed myself to an act of beauty that required me to gather a group of women to sit in a sacred circle during my vision quest fourteen years ago. Now I see that those intentions have come together with the means through building a meditative practice this year. As I’ve moved between physical preparations, meditative preparations, journaling and dreaming about the process this last month I have been awed and humbled by the gift. I hand delivered invitations to Ceremony to each woman, and each accepted the invitation.




This is the fifth year since I completely let go of celebrating Christmas in the way of this culture. (There was ten years of walking away from Christmas celebrations leading up to this last five years in which I hadn’t yet made peace with Christmas) I didn't realize when I began that new way of walking that it was leading me to now when I would be able to access knowledge about how to celebrate the winter solstice in new/old Earth centered ways.

The day after we completed this beautiful Ceremony I was deflated. Instead of walking around on bubbles of joy as I might well have been, I was somber and detached from the accomplishment. The first thought that came to mind on awakening was about the woman who had sat across from me in the circle. I knew without doubt that she had let power wash over her without taking it in. As the day progressed my gloom deepened as I sensed this was yet another self worth, rather lack of, story. Meditation brought no answer, no comfort.

It wasn’t until the next morning I realized what a perfect mirror I had been offered from across the circle. I could see clearly that I too was abdicating and shirking the very power I had generated. My concern for what this would mean to the other women started tearing down the wall that was standing between me and my joy. The first brick I touched said, “Who do you think you are?”

The brick was stuck to my fingers. For all I moved to let it go, the metaphor stuck. That’s when it hit me like a brick wall…my body holds a belief in unworthiness. As soon as I start feeling my stuff, strutting my stuff, owning my power my body remembers what happens when I “act natural”. My body mind will only allow so much joy before shutting down the whole show with fear.

The wall of “who do you think you are” has roots in my body that had been triggered big time. The results of the beatings that I received in childhood have yet to be released from my physical body. I have released them emotionally, mentally, even spiritually. I am now in the process of releasing them from my body. Is it any wonder I have had a difficult time grounding myself, coming back into my body after ceremony?

Release means remembering.

I can still feel the longing I felt as a child to be comforted and held, rocked and crooned to after the beatings, verbal, emotional and physical. I was devastated when Dad comforted Mom after she beat me, and didn’t/couldn’t comfort me. That was a moment when I formed another life denying belief and made the decision to run away from home for once and for all. There was never place nor time to lick my wounds and so my grief grew, taking up residence in my body. I got older and understood it wasn’t supposed to be like it was for us, my siblings and I. It could be, should be so different and what in God’s name did that look like anyway?

I walked some of this out through the soles of my feet today, remembering the countless distressed foot steps I took as a child. I remembered lying to my grade 4 teacher when she asked me about the new bruises I carried when I came back from lunch. I remember that the pain in the neck that has been plaguing me for years is based in the hundreds, is it really thousands of back hands, slaps and punches to the head and neck area that I took. I remembered being eleven years old running from a beating, without shoes and coat out the front door into the deeps of an Ontario winter. I remember hiding so I wouldn’t be seen and further humiliated. I remember when the shivering stopped and I started to fall asleep. I remember waking to my bed shaking from the spasms of my Fathers soundless sobs as he sat at the end of the bed. I witnessed his grief but no one witnessed mine. I remembered why I have always felt there could never be enough for me, should never be enough for me.

I honour the strength and courage and love my body has shown in carrying this burden. I declared myself, all parts of me, ready and able to release and be with any further grief that comes up. I will look for counsel in meditation.


I am fidgety and restless as I prepare to travel within. It required a careful walk through my body, relaxing from tip of toe to top of crown and every inch between. When at last I saw my inner fire a sense of desperation was with me too. I looked and felt around for a set of Divine Arms to fall into. There were none. The desperation is in my voice as I call out to my body mind to join me at the fire and speak. At first I couldn’t tell what was being said…it was as if my body mind was muzzled or muffled. I spoke of my mission to share the burdens that body mind had been carrying. I heard myself whining as body mind shuffled unwillingly into view. As I was able to distinguish detail I broke into sobs over the shameful state of my body mind. She was twisted and contorted out of human shape, covered in human excrement. She didn’t want me to know she smelled so bad.

I moved to hug and hold body mind. I began removing the feces. We cried together. I asked how else I could help and saw myself massaging body mind with my hands and a feather alternately. I apologized to body mind and sobbed harder when she immediately forgave me telling me she loved me. As soon as that love washed over me I felt myself held and rocked as I held body mind. I heard those Divine Arms answer my unasked question with the words…we couldn’t come to you until you gave us to yourself. We’ve been here always. My sobbing deepened, this time with a sense of joy. I massaged body mind smoothing her limbs into comfortable, natural positions. I was massaged, releasing many bodily aches that were the sights of wounds from beatings. My physical hand found Lady Love, my crystal healing wand and She danced circles and spirals over my chakras, passing from hand to hand, moving fast then slow, aligning and cleansing the four directions of my being. With my profound gratitude comes a profound fatigue signaling the end of this journey.

I’ve intended to write a Solstice piece for months. As the time approached the muse vanished, until now. How appropriate that I bring this old year to an end by clearing debris that I may walk into the New Year unencumbered by walls built in the past.





Gaia is the Living Cadence that carries the vibration of peace...





May you hear Gaia's song on the winds of change and let your heart sing with her.


(from The 11 Intentions Pathways to Peace by Lynda Terry)

An Elk Migration - Via Tugboat

So many stories unfolding all at the same time...I'll start with this one.

A few weeks ago Court was called about a once in a lifetime trip on the tugboat as barge man for the conservation authority. The local game warden had long decided it was time to move a herd of elk (part of a larger herd that was transplanted to this peninsula fifteen years ago) that have been feeding for years at the local golf course. The tug and barge would be needed to move a truck full of elk, and several other trucks full of volunteers to a valley some hundred and fifty miles north up the coast.

Several nights have been spent on high alert, waiting for the call. Each time the herd was spooked or the sea conditions were too rough, and the move was cancelled and rescheduled.

As we chatted about this during an early dawn sit in the hot tub yesterday, I suggested that perhaps the elk had some resistance to this move. After all there are grizzly bear and wolves in the new territory, something the elk haven't had to deal with down here. I suggested that a dialogue might be possible with the grizzly and wolves explaining the situation and asking for a remedy. No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I knew I would/could/should be the one to engage in such a dialogue via meditation.

I was guided to sit by my sacred inner fire and send an invitation to Elk, Wolf and Bear to join me at my fire. Elk first came on powerful strong legs. Elk depend for life on their legs. Elk knows why I am here and is in accord with my mission. Bear came up behind me as I sat looking into my inner fire, wrapping around me reminding me of the Bear medicine I carry. We swayed together until Bear pulled away and gifted me a bear bone, and then proceeded to install it in my back. This bone will help me stand straight in my medicine and will dissolve away as I build strength to stand tall. (This is answer to a request for assitance with the old habit of refusing power.)Grizzly Bear will not smell Elk as food until Elk has their legs under them in the new terrain

When I next looked to call Wolf I was surrounded by a family of running Wolves. They carried me through the trails they know so well, sharing smells and Wolfish sensations. I knew their hunger. I asked on behalf of an evolving mankind that they not fill their hunger with the smell of Elk. They too agreed to let Elk get their legs. We agreed this is the way.

I was stopped from saying I’d never talked in this way before by being flooded with remembrances of my relationship with animals in childhood. And then I saw Ama (my inner little girls name) step up and take a bow. Though I have stymied her, she has always served life in this way, always recognized oneness with all life, always willing to send spirit forth to communicate with the other life forms that we share this wonderful Mother with. )

Before I returned to regular consciousness I pledged myself to holding a safe and sacred space for this move of the elk…it felt right to make such a commitment only after I realized that Ama has been, is always, there doing just that. I will remember Ama and I are one.

I shared my meditative journey with Court asking him to pass a message of what I'd done along to the game warden if he could. (He did and the news was well received. This man loves these animals and said..."they need all the help they can get.") We weren't surprised when the call came in to confirm they had the twelve elk penned and waiting for the truck. Court took this shot this morning of the dominant female, the matriarch of the herd. The herd had been penned for twelve hours by the time the boat reached her destination. She had stood momentarilly sniffing the air before bolting down the ramp so fast she's a blur to the camera. The next moment the whole herd was a blur hightailing into the bush after their matriarch.

May the elk flourish in their new home.